Worship the Amish

Some thoughts I put together

The Amish are living a reality closest to True one can in America in 2018 and that is why we should start staring back. The Amish (A) are forced to be surrounded by our loud and toxic technology, which they never agreed to, and still choose a life full of community and neighborliness, refusing to give in to the FLEETING, TEMPTING, and SOULLESS pleasures 99.76% of Americans give in to every hour (Instagram ass destroys approx. 12 souls a second). In this essay I will explain why I worship the A, why you should, and why everything will fall if you don’t.

The Hypocrisy of “‘Family Values’”

If you loved traditional values you would join the group that practices them the most out of any culture in America. Instead, you drive a Surb (long) (and only have one kid) (and, okay, a dog) and spit things into the atmosphere you don’t even “Believe” in. If you believe you have six figures in your Chase Checking account and you only see the number through your iPhone XXL Chase Quick Pay app but don’t believe you are causing harm to the earth, then you are evil- and there is no other way to put it. You believe essentially what the liberals believed 2 decades ago. And because of that you get the whole nostalgia punch and get to associate yourselves with that old time-y music that, let’s admit, everyone loves (and interestingly enough, old time-y music has always been old time-y music. Invented to make people think of the Good Old Days when things were Simple without actually having to live Simply. But then that feeling gets old and after you shut your kid up in the Surb by handing her the second iPad (one to watch an original Kid’s Youtube show, and the other one to play Candy Crush My Little Pony addition, with Spongebob. The “‘taditional values’” is backwards backwards. It goes backwards then backwards in another direction. Stupid.

Join Me in Living with the A

I’m declaring in this Article that I’m going to hopefully be joining my local A tribe. I meet with them once a month and even though I am a Devout atheist they’re OK with it. I think the thing they like least about me is my humor. But they are talking about allowing me to live a mile or so away from their main community house and potentially integrating me in their culture. In a few months or so this website will go dark. And that will be the end of me, to you all. In the meantime I’ll be trying my darnedest to recruit as many people as I can or at least get people to think that accepting all technology as it comes is the same, if not worse, than eating the tastiest food all the time, even when you aren’t hungry- even when you don’t want it.

FB + TW + Myspace = Death

Community over technology. The big and Creepily “good” social media giants love to tout connectivity without ever talking about the nutrients in this type of connectivity - Chris DeWolfe, Jack Dorsey, Mark Zuvkerberg. I don’t doubt it is connecting people. I said “Hey” to my nephew the other day on Facebook. I connected with him. But I did not connect with him like I connected with Sarah the night of homecoming some 20 years ago. If you are or were religious think about a time you felt incredibly Devout. It was probably singing a praise song or seeing a friend really start to Believe. When was the last time you felt that? I’m guessing when the new iPhone came out. It sounds silly or Lame to compare “real” religious feelings of awe and the excitement of a release of a cellphone but I ask you to really Think about how these are different. I’m certain, if you allow yourself, you will see these emotions are the same. You can’t have a set of feelings for religious reasons and ones for Tools, Technology, and Recreation.


Someone Hears that eating bad things can give you colon cancer. They understand that this is a fact. But they eat bad things. Who cares why. I’m not talking about that. But they eat bad things and get cancer. Now they are really into nutrition. They go, if I had another chance, I would be healthy (for the ones who give any shit at all/can think about something other than dying). I am telling you you are going to have a slow cancer but it’s a different death, worse than dying.

Cancer Awareness

Living for another person and giving everything up for persons of a group. That is how you live. This barely exists in normal society. People at some Research Cancer Cure Awareness foundation say they are “changing the world” yet they work for a total of 2 1/2 hours a day posting something on FB reading “Cancer is bad. Awareness!” or refreshing the whole internet waiting to copy a link of a headline into a folder so it’s ‘saved.’ Then when some sort of pamphlet gets made they can say “we were in here, now we’re in here, help us with our goal of being over there’

Is a Shovel Bad

The A use technology you can “see through” They don’t pick up the newest thing because they think it’s going to make them God, they refuse to pick it up because they think it will make them less like god. He who has no iPhone is socially dead. He who has an iPhone is Really dead. I know you all love consuming but I’m getting second-hand fullness.

Worship the A or ZZZ Forever

I believe the opposite what the A believe in regards of God but I’m giving my life to try to be with them and I urge you to do the same. Forsaking all, I trust them. You have to give up technology or let it consume you. You will end up worshipping the AI that’s being created right now. We are developing our own gods, who will be able to reason better than us, and it’s not unreasonable to think if they can reason with only having to think about productivity (because what other Virtue will we program them to have?) they will kill us, as we aren’t nearly as productive as them, even compared to our FB + Twitter machines. Swartzentruber, Relieve me from my half-self-imposed meidung and let me join you.